i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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