i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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