you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
