Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize