I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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