her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
