I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's never too late to be topless.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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