I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
