He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
