god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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