watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
