carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
