What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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