Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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