I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
