So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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