I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
