I'm jealous of your bromance
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
