he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
