you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
