Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize