So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
