My room smells like vodka and shame
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
