No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
