I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
