if i died would you start the facebook group?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
40s are totally the cure
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
