Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
