I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
