problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You pole danced in your parka.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
