I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
