Whoa Z and x make the same sound
please come you make the beer taste better
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
