I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
