it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
