I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
