you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
