i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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