Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
