i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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