Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
