My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize