what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
