I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
