We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
