AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
