I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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