this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
