i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
