We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Randomize
