three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
