you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
