i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
