You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize