at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
