I'm so fucking centered right now
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
