i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
