hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
