Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
