I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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