i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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