I think im going to throw up on grandma
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
