I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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