So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
