Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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