Small penises have feelings too.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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