Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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