You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize