I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
