ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He did a backflip because drugs
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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