I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
