Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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