I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
