We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
