i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he shaved USA in his pubs
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
