She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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