speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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