I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
